I remember feeling fat as young as 5 years old. I was not fat, I was just built differently than other kids and I didn’t understand that as a child. I have two younger sisters that are twins so I would compare my size to that of a kid a year younger than what I was. I am not tall now, but I’m not short either. I am 5’6 and medium-large build. Growing up a lot of my friends were small frame, and short. I always felt like an AMAZON but I was normal size and healthy until about 3rd grade.
Me at Age 5
3rd grade is when I started eating more “sweets” and a little too often. I have a big sweet tooth. My dad noticed me gaining weight so he would try and “encourage” me to be more active and eat less. Every year I slowly gained a little more weight. I was never an obese child, just chubby.
I remember going on my first diet in 6th or 8th grade. My parents are health conscious and were doing the Atkins diet. I HATED this diet because I’m not a big meat eater and I wasn’t allowed to eat any sweets. To this day I HATE Jello because that was the only sweet I was allowed. DIE JELLO! Lol (Dramatic) I think we did the diet for 3-4 weeks or so before my parents decided they couldn’t stay on the diet. What can I say, most people like Carbs way too much to hang with Atkins. I remember around the 2nd week of the diet I was selling candy at school. My favorite CHOCOLATE candy. I snuck a candy bar and my dad happened to walk in and saw the candy wrappers (I think I ate 2). He really got on to me for eating the chocolate. He said I was a cheater (Ummm HARSH I was like 12). He said that I probably gained weight and didn’t lose so he made me go get on the scale and weigh myself. I was pleased that I had actually lost about 10 lbs! I stuck out my tongue and said BOO-YA. J/K I just smiled and went back to my room. I sure I did a victory dance in my room and had a pretend convo where I told my dad off.
I don’t want to paint the picture that my dad was mean. He just wanted me to be happy. He didn’t like me to cry about being fat when I could do something about it. He was showing me tough love; he just didn’t realize how it was affecting me. I never felt good enough, and I felt like I had to compare myself to everyone. I remember my dad telling me just eat like your sister Heather. Okay for one I would probably gain weight because all she ate was hot dogs, cheese, and sweets. My sister Heather is built NOTHING like me so it was really not fair to compare us. She is shorter, petite frame, and naturally muscular. This girl has had abs since she was a baby. I remember going to my room and crying so many times about my weight as a child and teenager.
I was also raised EXTREMELY strict and different. (Not fun) I was Pentecostal and I wasn’t allowed to cut my hair or wear pants. I’m not “hating” on the religion a lot of my friends are still Pentecostal, and I have respect for them and what they believe. In high school and middle school I was known as “the girl who always wears skirts”. Add being overweight and around teenagers, middle school and high school were not always easy. My saving grace I was nice, friendly, and funny. I made friends so I wasn’t bullied. I think I was harder on myself than any kid ever was to me. I think I really just had the fear of being made fun of because I was different. It also made me really good at wearing a shell, being someone I wasn’t. I was known to be outgoing everyone that truly knew me (church friends and childhood friends) but to others they saw me as sweet little innocent Amber who is extremely religious and more reserved. Anyway I am way off topic sorry, I told you I have ADD.
Fast forward to my senior year in high school. It was November 2004 (the week of Thanksgiving) and I just woke up and decided okay I’m over being the chubby girl. So I sat down on my bed and made a list of rules for myself. I can’t remember exactly what they were but I remember the basics. No fried food, no sweets, no soda, no eating after 8:00pm, and no sugary drinks. I made myself a guideline of what I was going to try and eat on a daily basis. It wasn’t much. I would eat yogurt or a slim fast in the morning, lunch was normally a salad, and dinner was a salad. I would eat frozen strawberries for my snack (it made me feel like I was eating ice cream) or animal crackers. I would drink black coffee too. If I drank a soda it was diet and if I drank tea it was unsweet and I would just add sweet-n-low. I was no longer eating for enjoyment, but eating to keep myself for feeling hungry. After 2-3 weeks my cravings for sweets went away. The first 3 weeks were hard. After 2 months I had lost a lot of weight, I’m not really sure how much because I didn’t weight myself very much in the beginning. I just remember going to a store to buy something and having to keep going down in sizes.
I'm the one in the middle in the pink and green. My skirt was a 10 but was HUGE on me. The only way i could keep it up was with a belt and i had to wear it super low.
By March 2005 I was pretty much at my goal. I was wearing a size 5-6 (I started at about size 14). Everyone was telling me how great I looked and how they felt like I just lost it over night. Well it wasn’t overnight but it was fast, too fast. I went from one extreme to another.
Okay this post is way too long so the rest will come in Part 2. I will try and have it up after work.
XOXO
Amber
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