I was no longer considered fat or chubby. Guys were starting to notice me more and I just felt like a different person. My confidence was sky high, but I still wasn't happy. Even though I had exceeded my goal I had set for myself. Every time I reached a goal I would change (lower my goal weight or size). I still felt I had a ways to go.
So I decided I needed to do more and eat less. I cut back and started doing an exercise video. I was also really busy working and going to school so I barely had time to eat. My parents didn't noticed my lack of eating because I was never around and they were busy too. By this time dinner was lettuce and just a tiny bit of fat free dressing. I lost even more weight. I was now in a size 4! I never thought it was possible but I did it.
People noticed. People started to ask me if I lost weight in a concerning tune rather than a happy one. I found myself lying about eating to my grandma because she was on my case. (I love my grandma) She kept telling me I was too skinny, my hair was thinning (she did my highlights so she noticed this). Anytime I would go to her house she would try and force food down me. I would normally tell her I had just eaten, even if that wasn't true. I just didn't want to hear her tell me to eat more. I was terrified if I did I would gain weight and get fat again.
I would go to bed with my stomach hurting and growling. Sometimes I would sleep all day just to keep from eating anything. I was not happy, I was obsessed with being thin. I NEEDED to hear the people telling me "Oh Amber your so skinny now"! One of my teachers asked me to stay after class a few mins and asked me if I was okay? I played dumb and said "yes , I'm great , why"? She told me she was concerned that I may be losing too much weight and she wanted to make sure I was being healthy. I laughed it off and assured her I was.
One day in my Culinary Arts class we had an assignment about food diaries. we were doing this section of the class on preparing low fat and low calorie food. so as apart of the assignment we had to track our food intake to see how we were eating. I think we actually had to figure our Points ( my teacher did Weight Watchers). When I did this assignment thats when it sunk in that I was eating way too little. I was eating under 1,000 calories daily and most days 500-600 calories. I'm pretty sure I was borderline anorexic.
I got on the scale and I remember seeing 122. All I could think is, I wished i could get under 120. I knew plenty of girls that weighted less than 120. I really wasn't that thin? Right? I didn't have an eating problem or food issues because I was a normal weight (this is what I told myself). I now know that I had self esteem and food issues. I'm not going to say anorexic, but I will say I could have easily gotten to that point had I kept on. I knew eating too few calories was going to ruin my metabolism, of make me sick, and I already had no energy so I increased my calorie intake.
I gained about 8 lbs. I found that it was easy to maintain my weight between 130-135. I figured out a way to eat the right amount of calories and maintain my weight WITHOUT starving myself.
Oh you think I'm done? Oh no it doesn't end here. Check back for Part 3 tomorrow.
The pictures below are just me at my thinest and during the years 2005-2007. I don't have pictures of me under 124 because I think I only maintained that for 2 weeks.
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